1 00:00:02,709 --> 00:00:03,789 [DEBRA] 2 00:00:02,709 --> 00:00:03,789 THE HALL OF FAME. 3 00:00:03,834 --> 00:00:05,294 WOO! 4 00:00:05,333 --> 00:00:08,423 IN 24 HOURS, MY MAN'S GONNA BE 5 00:00:05,333 --> 00:00:08,423 INDUCTED INTO THE COLLEGE 6 00:00:08,458 --> 00:00:10,578 FOOTBALL HALL OF FAME. 7 00:00:10,625 --> 00:00:13,825 -I GOTTA TELL YOU, SWEETHEART, 8 00:00:10,625 --> 00:00:13,825 OF ALL THE CRAP THAT THEY'LL 9 00:00:13,875 --> 00:00:15,955 HONOR ME FOR THIS WEEK, 10 00:00:13,875 --> 00:00:15,955 WHAT I'M LOOKING 11 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,710 FORWARD TO MOST IS TONIGHT. 12 00:00:17,750 --> 00:00:20,670 A NICE QUIET DINNER, 13 00:00:17,750 --> 00:00:20,670 JUST THE TWO OF US. 14 00:00:20,709 --> 00:00:24,079 -AW, YOU'VE GOT THE HALL 15 00:00:20,709 --> 00:00:24,079 OF FAME GLOW, BABY. 16 00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,205 -YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HAS THAT 17 00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,205 HALL OF FAME GLOW? 18 00:00:26,250 --> 00:00:27,920 [DEBRA CHUCKLES] 19 00:00:27,959 --> 00:00:28,879 -THAD? 20 00:00:28,917 --> 00:00:30,167 -I WAS GONNA SAY MY DICK. 21 00:00:30,208 --> 00:00:31,458 -MARTY, LOOK OUT! 22 00:00:34,625 --> 00:00:37,035 [THAD PANTS] 23 00:00:37,083 --> 00:00:38,213 -ARE YOU CRAZY? 24 00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:41,130 -COACH, THANK GOD YOU STOPPED. 25 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,996 THERE'S BEEN A MURDER 26 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,996 AT THE GOAT HOUSE. 27 00:00:43,041 --> 00:00:44,461 WE GOTTA GET THERE QUICK. 28 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,330 IT'S SO BAD, COACH. 29 00:00:46,375 --> 00:00:48,625 HE GOT DONNIE WITH 30 00:00:46,375 --> 00:00:48,625 HIS CLAW GLOVE. 31 00:00:48,667 --> 00:00:51,207 I AM NOT LYING. 32 00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:53,380 -A MURDER? 33 00:00:53,417 --> 00:00:54,667 -I JUST SAW YOU WINK 34 00:00:53,417 --> 00:00:54,667 IN THE MIRROR. 35 00:00:54,709 --> 00:00:56,129 HE JUST WINKED AT YOU. 36 00:00:56,166 --> 00:00:57,706 DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING 37 00:00:56,166 --> 00:00:57,706 ABOUT THIS? 38 00:00:57,750 --> 00:00:59,580 -NO, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING 39 00:00:57,750 --> 00:00:59,580 ABOUT THIS. 40 00:00:59,625 --> 00:01:02,165 LET'S JUST TAKE HIM HOME, AND 41 00:00:59,625 --> 00:01:02,165 IF HE'S ON SOMETHING, HE CAN 42 00:01:02,208 --> 00:01:03,288 SLEEP IT OFF. 43 00:01:02,208 --> 00:01:03,288 -YEAH. 44 00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:05,043 -WE HAVE A RESERVATION 45 00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:05,043 IN 20 MINUTES. 46 00:01:05,083 --> 00:01:07,503 -WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO, LEAVE 47 00:01:05,083 --> 00:01:07,503 HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD? 48 00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:17,920 -HURRY, COACH. 49 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:20,169 LET'S HOPE WE'RE NOT TOO LATE 50 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:20,169 TO CATCH THE MURDERER. 51 00:01:20,208 --> 00:01:21,498 -HEY. 52 00:01:20,208 --> 00:01:21,498 HEY, THAD. 53 00:01:21,542 --> 00:01:22,582 COME HERE. 54 00:01:22,625 --> 00:01:24,165 COME HERE. 55 00:01:24,208 --> 00:01:27,038 I'M GONNA ASK YOU POINT BLANK. 56 00:01:27,083 --> 00:01:29,583 IS THERE A SURPRISE PARTY 57 00:01:27,083 --> 00:01:29,583 WAITING FOR ME INSIDE? 58 00:01:29,625 --> 00:01:32,915 BECAUSE THERE IS, THERE 59 00:01:29,625 --> 00:01:32,915 WILL BE A MURDER. 60 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:34,999 -NO. 61 00:01:35,041 --> 00:01:36,291 IT'S A MURDERER. 62 00:01:39,792 --> 00:01:41,002 -LET'S JUST GO INSIDE. 63 00:01:45,792 --> 00:01:50,252 -I THINK HE'S RIGHT IN HERE! 64 00:01:50,291 --> 00:01:52,211 [PEOPLE YELLING "SURPRISE!"] 65 00:01:52,250 --> 00:01:53,170 [COACH DANIELS CHUCKLES] 66 00:01:53,208 --> 00:01:56,578 -AW, SURPRISE, BABY. 67 00:01:56,625 --> 00:01:59,245 -I'M REAL SORRY I HAD TO SCARE 68 00:01:56,625 --> 00:01:59,245 YOU SO BAD JUST TO GET YOU IN 69 00:01:59,291 --> 00:02:00,421 HERE, COACH. 70 00:02:00,458 --> 00:02:03,128 WILL YOU EVER FORGIVE ME? 71 00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,286 [ REV THEORY'S "HELL YEAH" 72 00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,286 PLAYS ] 73 00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:06,543 CAN YOU FEEL THAT? 74 00:02:09,583 --> 00:02:11,213 YOU BETTER HOLD ON. 75 00:02:11,250 --> 00:02:13,380 THIS ONE'S ABOUT TO GET BUMPY. 76 00:02:14,291 --> 00:02:15,791 ♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪ 77 00:02:16,125 --> 00:02:17,125 ♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪ 78 00:02:17,166 --> 00:02:18,036 ♪ HELL, YEAH ♪ 79 00:02:18,083 --> 00:02:20,003 ♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪ 80 00:02:20,041 --> 00:02:21,461 ♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪ 81 00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:23,710 ♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪ 82 00:02:23,750 --> 00:02:25,210 ♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪ 83 00:02:25,250 --> 00:02:26,750 ♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪ 84 00:02:27,083 --> 00:02:29,423 ♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪ 85 00:02:29,458 --> 00:02:31,748 ♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪ 86 00:02:53,625 --> 00:02:54,665 -MASCOT! 87 00:02:54,709 --> 00:02:55,879 ITINERARY. 88 00:02:54,709 --> 00:02:55,879 LET'S HEAR IT. 89 00:02:55,917 --> 00:02:56,787 -GOT IT, GOT IT. 90 00:02:56,834 --> 00:02:58,834 8:50, WE GET A GROUP HUG. 91 00:02:58,875 --> 00:03:01,495 9 O'CLOCK, THE GLEE CLUB 92 00:02:58,875 --> 00:03:01,495 PERFORMS. 9:15, WE GOT POTATO 93 00:03:01,542 --> 00:03:03,042 SACK RACES. 94 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,713 9:30, WE'VE GOT A DANCE BY THE 95 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,713 CHEERLEADERS, WITH A SPECIAL 96 00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:07,330 GUEST APPEARANCE BY MYSELF. 97 00:03:07,375 --> 00:03:08,825 10 O'CLOCK, WE GOT SOME 98 00:03:07,375 --> 00:03:08,825 FIRE JUGGLERS. 99 00:03:08,875 --> 00:03:09,705 AT 11 O'CLOCK-- 100 00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:11,170 -THE GRAND FINALE. 101 00:03:11,208 --> 00:03:13,208 MY 45-MINUTE VIDEO 102 00:03:11,208 --> 00:03:13,208 TRIBUTE TO COACH. 103 00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:15,710 IF YOU START THAT VIDEO EVEN ONE 104 00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:15,710 MINUTE LATE, I SWEAR I'LL 105 00:03:15,750 --> 00:03:17,710 DROP-KICK YOU OUT OF THE GOAT 106 00:03:15,750 --> 00:03:17,710 HOUSE AND BACK TO THE DORMS. 107 00:03:17,750 --> 00:03:19,130 -FAIR ENOUGH, FAIR ENOUGH. 108 00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:20,576 LISTEN, I WAS WONDERING IF WE 109 00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:20,576 SHOULD PLAY SOME POLKAS. 110 00:03:20,625 --> 00:03:21,825 YOU KNOW, THE OLD GUYS LOVE-- 111 00:03:21,875 --> 00:03:23,745 -I SAID NO POLKAS. 112 00:03:21,875 --> 00:03:23,745 -RIGHT. 113 00:03:23,792 --> 00:03:25,212 BUT, UH, OLD GUYS LOVE POLKAS, 114 00:03:23,792 --> 00:03:25,212 SO IF WE PLAY SOME POLKAS TO 115 00:03:23,792 --> 00:03:25,212 GET THE GUYS-- 116 00:03:25,250 --> 00:03:29,000 -I SAID WE'RE NOT DOING 117 00:03:25,250 --> 00:03:29,000 POLKAS, MASCOT! 118 00:03:29,041 --> 00:03:30,671 AND RELAX, BUDDY. 119 00:03:30,709 --> 00:03:31,959 JUST HAVE FUN WITH IT. 120 00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:38,037 -THIS IS HELL. 121 00:03:38,083 --> 00:03:39,713 DANIELS DOESN'T WASTE 122 00:03:38,083 --> 00:03:39,713 ENOUGH OF OUR TIME 123 00:03:39,750 --> 00:03:41,250 DURING FOOTBALL PRACTICE? 124 00:03:41,291 --> 00:03:43,171 AND NOW WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE 125 00:03:41,291 --> 00:03:43,171 UP A, A PERFECTLY GOOD PARTY 126 00:03:43,208 --> 00:03:45,878 NIGHT DROOLING OVER HIM AND 127 00:03:43,208 --> 00:03:45,878 LISTENING TO SHITTY MUSIC. 128 00:03:45,917 --> 00:03:47,707 -OH, I DON'T KNOW, I KINDA 129 00:03:45,917 --> 00:03:47,707 LIKE THE MUSIC 130 00:03:47,750 --> 00:03:50,250 AND THE JAZZ FLUTES. 131 00:03:50,291 --> 00:03:52,501 -COULD HAVE SOMETHING TO DO 132 00:03:50,291 --> 00:03:52,501 WITH THE ACID YOU TOOK EARLIER. 133 00:03:52,542 --> 00:03:54,672 -I INVITED TWINS TO THIS 134 00:03:52,542 --> 00:03:54,672 THING, AND THIS IS WHAT 135 00:03:54,709 --> 00:03:57,789 THEY'RE GONNA HAVE 136 00:03:54,709 --> 00:03:57,789 TO WALK INTO? 137 00:03:57,834 --> 00:03:58,674 -YOU GOT TWINS? 138 00:03:58,709 --> 00:03:59,579 -YEAH. 139 00:03:59,625 --> 00:04:00,575 -CAN I HAVE ONE? 140 00:04:00,625 --> 00:04:02,325 -WELL, IF THEY STICK AROUND. 141 00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:04,165 WHAT TIME IS THIS PARTY 142 00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:04,165 OVER, ANYWAY? 143 00:04:04,208 --> 00:04:07,248 -THAD SAID NOBODY LEAVES 144 00:04:04,208 --> 00:04:07,248 UNTIL THE SUN COMES UP. 145 00:04:07,291 --> 00:04:09,421 WOO, WOO, WOO! 146 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:10,378 -OH. 147 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,747 OH, NO HE'S NOT. 148 00:04:12,792 --> 00:04:14,792 HE IS ON. 149 00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:15,714 -THIS IS GREAT. 150 00:04:15,750 --> 00:04:17,170 GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS. 151 00:04:17,208 --> 00:04:19,378 HEY HARRY, GOOD TO SEE YOU. 152 00:04:19,417 --> 00:04:20,287 -HERE YOU GO. 153 00:04:19,417 --> 00:04:20,287 -THANK YOU DARLING. 154 00:04:20,333 --> 00:04:21,253 -YOU'RE WELCOME. 155 00:04:21,291 --> 00:04:22,171 YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME? 156 00:04:22,208 --> 00:04:23,958 -YEAH, THIS IS, UH, REALLY-- 157 00:04:27,208 --> 00:04:29,458 YOU INVITED MICKEY O'TOOLE? 158 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:30,420 ARE YOU CRAZY? 159 00:04:30,458 --> 00:04:31,788 -HE WASN'T ON THE GUEST LIST. 160 00:04:31,834 --> 00:04:33,754 -HE'D RATHER SEE ME DEAD THAN 161 00:04:31,834 --> 00:04:33,754 IN THE HALL OF FAME. 162 00:04:33,792 --> 00:04:35,332 -MARTY. 163 00:04:33,792 --> 00:04:35,332 HEY. 164 00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:36,375 -MICKEY. 165 00:04:36,417 --> 00:04:37,577 I'M GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT. 166 00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:38,955 -ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 167 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,960 MY GODDAMN PROTEGE MAKING IT 168 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,960 INTO THE HALL OF FAME. 169 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,210 COME ON, I WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED 170 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,210 THIS FOR A DRINK. 171 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,460 -I'M JUST SURPRISED, BECAUSE THE 172 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,460 LAST TIME I SAW YOU WAS AT 173 00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:48,460 YOUR RETIREMENT PARTY. 174 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:51,790 -EARLY RETIREMENT THAT YOU 175 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:51,790 FORCED ME INTO WHEN YOU STOLE 176 00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,254 MY HEAD COACHING JOB. 177 00:04:53,291 --> 00:04:55,751 WOW, IT'S BEEN THAT 178 00:04:53,291 --> 00:04:55,751 LONG, MARTY? 179 00:04:55,792 --> 00:04:57,712 -WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE A PROBLEM 180 00:04:55,792 --> 00:04:57,712 HERE TONIGHT, ARE WE 181 00:04:55,792 --> 00:04:57,712 MICKEY? 182 00:04:57,750 --> 00:04:59,380 -COME ON. 183 00:04:57,750 --> 00:04:59,380 PROBLEM? 184 00:04:59,417 --> 00:05:00,577 I'M WAY OVER THAT. 185 00:05:00,625 --> 00:05:03,455 NO, I AM HERE AS 186 00:05:00,625 --> 00:05:03,455 A PROUD MENTOR. 187 00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,170 THAT'S IT. 188 00:05:05,208 --> 00:05:06,998 -WELL, THAT'S GREAT, MICKEY. 189 00:05:07,041 --> 00:05:07,831 YOU KNOW WHAT? 190 00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:08,745 -WHAT? 191 00:05:08,792 --> 00:05:10,792 -YOU LOOK AMAZING FOR 80. 192 00:05:10,834 --> 00:05:11,834 -WOW, THANKS DEBRA. 193 00:05:11,875 --> 00:05:13,665 YOU LOOK TERRIBLE FOR 18. 194 00:05:13,709 --> 00:05:14,629 -MM. 195 00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:16,667 [DEBRA CHUCKLES POLITELY] 196 00:05:23,083 --> 00:05:23,923 -AH. 197 00:05:23,959 --> 00:05:24,999 [ALEX CLEARS HIS THROAT] 198 00:05:25,041 --> 00:05:26,961 -NIKKI, KIKI, HI. 199 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,040 -WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT? 200 00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:29,253 -WHAT? 201 00:05:29,291 --> 00:05:30,921 -WE WERE PROMISED A LEGENDARY 202 00:05:29,291 --> 00:05:30,921 RAGER, ALEX. 203 00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:32,329 -OH, AH. 204 00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:36,035 WELL, THE RAGER IS ACTUALLY 205 00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:36,035 GONNA BE UP IN MY ROOM, 206 00:05:36,083 --> 00:05:37,503 STARTING IN ABOUT 30 MINUTES. 207 00:05:37,542 --> 00:05:39,632 SO WHY DON'T YOU GUYS JUST 208 00:05:37,542 --> 00:05:39,632 HEAD UPSTAIRS AND I'LL BE 209 00:05:39,667 --> 00:05:42,877 RIGHT BEHIND YA. 210 00:05:42,917 --> 00:05:45,327 [TWIN] 211 00:05:42,917 --> 00:05:45,327 LET'S GET 212 00:05:42,917 --> 00:05:45,327 BLACKOUT DRUNK TONIGHT. 213 00:05:45,375 --> 00:05:46,245 -COME HERE. 214 00:05:46,291 --> 00:05:47,501 -I REALLY DON'T WANT TO. 215 00:05:47,542 --> 00:05:49,212 -GUYS, THIS IS ALEX MORAN. 216 00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:50,250 -HI. 217 00:05:50,291 --> 00:05:51,331 -THE KID REMINDS ME 218 00:05:50,291 --> 00:05:51,331 OF TOMMY MCKEAN. 219 00:05:51,375 --> 00:05:52,915 DO YOU REMEMBER TOMMY MCKEAN? 220 00:05:52,959 --> 00:05:55,379 -SURE DO. 221 00:05:52,959 --> 00:05:55,379 LAZIEST SON OF A BITCH 222 00:05:52,959 --> 00:05:55,379 I EVER MET. 223 00:05:55,417 --> 00:05:56,957 -WHAT? 224 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,790 -HEY ALEX, COACH EVER TELL YOU 225 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,790 ABOUT THE TIME HE GOT PUNCHED 226 00:05:58,834 --> 00:06:00,544 IN THE FACE BY MICK JAGGER? 227 00:06:00,583 --> 00:06:02,083 -YOU GOT PUNCHED IN THE 228 00:06:00,583 --> 00:06:02,083 FACE BY MICK JAGGER? 229 00:06:02,125 --> 00:06:03,125 WHY? 230 00:06:03,166 --> 00:06:03,996 -BECAUSE MARTY SLEPT 231 00:06:03,166 --> 00:06:03,996 WITH HIS WIFE. 232 00:06:04,041 --> 00:06:05,041 -WHAT? 233 00:06:05,083 --> 00:06:06,503 YOU SLEPT WITH MICK 234 00:06:05,083 --> 00:06:06,503 JAGGER'S WIFE? 235 00:06:06,542 --> 00:06:09,002 -IT WASN'T HIS WIFE 236 00:06:06,542 --> 00:06:09,002 AT THE TIME. 237 00:06:09,041 --> 00:06:10,251 THEY WERE JUST DATING. 238 00:06:10,291 --> 00:06:12,251 -HE WAS JUST A LITTLE GUY, 239 00:06:10,291 --> 00:06:12,251 BUT YOU WENT DOWN 240 00:06:12,291 --> 00:06:13,381 PRETTY HARD, MARTY. 241 00:06:13,417 --> 00:06:15,377 -I HAD TO GO DOWN. 242 00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:17,377 HE WAS MICK JAGGER. 243 00:06:17,417 --> 00:06:20,537 [COACH CHUCKLES] 244 00:06:20,583 --> 00:06:24,463 -AND FINALLY, COACH DANIELS IS 245 00:06:20,583 --> 00:06:24,463 SO STRONG, HE CAN BENCH PRESS 246 00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,580 MY FROWN INTO A SMILE. 247 00:06:26,625 --> 00:06:29,575 AND THAT IS WHY COACH DANIELS IS 248 00:06:26,625 --> 00:06:29,575 THE GREATEST MAN EVER BORN. 249 00:06:33,041 --> 00:06:36,421 AND NOW FOR SOME FUN 250 00:06:33,041 --> 00:06:36,421 FACTS ABOUT COACH. 251 00:06:36,458 --> 00:06:39,958 HE LIKES GOLF, STEAKS, 252 00:06:36,458 --> 00:06:39,958 AND HAGGAR SLACKS. 253 00:06:42,542 --> 00:06:43,922 -I'M GONNA BE HONEST WITH YOU. 254 00:06:43,959 --> 00:06:45,249 THE SPEECH IS GOOD. 255 00:06:45,291 --> 00:06:46,421 IT'S GOOD. 256 00:06:46,458 --> 00:06:49,748 BUT ASIDE FROM THE HAGGAR 257 00:06:46,458 --> 00:06:49,748 SLACKS, THOSE 258 00:06:49,792 --> 00:06:50,922 FACTS AREN'T THAT FUN. 259 00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:52,789 -I KNEW IT. 260 00:06:52,834 --> 00:06:56,254 I GOTTA GET SOME BETTER 261 00:06:52,834 --> 00:06:56,254 FUN FACTS. 262 00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:57,421 IT'S 8:30. 263 00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:58,998 WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST 264 00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:58,998 SITTING THERE? 265 00:06:59,041 --> 00:06:59,961 -YOU TOLD ME TO COME IN-- 266 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,460 -GO TAKE THE PARTY UP A NOTCH! 267 00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:02,750 -OK, ALL RIGHT. 268 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:08,125 [RECORDED MALE VOICE] 269 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:08,125 MAR-MAR-MARTY DANIELS, 270 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:08,125 HALL OF FAMER. 271 00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:10,286 [SLIDE WHISTLE] 272 00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:10,286 [TRAIN WHISTLE] 273 00:07:10,333 --> 00:07:11,253 BRINGIN' OUT THE 274 00:07:11,291 --> 00:07:12,671 J-J-J-JAMS. 275 00:07:12,709 --> 00:07:15,129 -LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME 276 00:07:12,709 --> 00:07:15,129 TO A NIGHT HONORING THE 277 00:07:15,166 --> 00:07:18,496 GREATEST COACH IN THE WORLD, 278 00:07:15,166 --> 00:07:18,496 MARTY DANIELS! 279 00:07:18,542 --> 00:07:20,922 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 280 00:07:20,959 --> 00:07:22,709 [SAMMY] 281 00:07:20,959 --> 00:07:22,709 AND NOW, 282 00:07:20,959 --> 00:07:22,709 THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN 283 00:07:22,750 --> 00:07:24,170 WAITING FOR. 284 00:07:24,208 --> 00:07:26,918 PLEASE WELCOME TO THE STAGE, 285 00:07:24,208 --> 00:07:26,918 MARTY DANIELS' EX-WIFE AND 286 00:07:26,959 --> 00:07:29,709 CURRENT GIRLFRIEND, DEBRA! 287 00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:32,960 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 288 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:38,880 -[SINGING SULTRILY] 289 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:38,880 YOU'RE MY HALL OF FAMER, 290 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:38,880 COACH. 291 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:44,787 MY HALL OF FAMER, COACH. 292 00:07:44,834 --> 00:07:50,004 YOU'RE MY HALL OF FAMER, 293 00:07:50,041 --> 00:07:55,171 ONE SEXY FOOTBALL GAMER. 294 00:07:55,208 --> 00:08:00,878 YOU'RE MY HALL OF 295 00:07:55,208 --> 00:08:00,878 FAMER, COACH. 296 00:08:00,917 --> 00:08:02,747 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 297 00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:03,632 -WOW! 298 00:08:09,208 --> 00:08:10,288 -SHE'S SOMETHING, HUH, MICKEY? 299 00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:11,833 [MICKEY CHUCKLES] 300 00:08:11,875 --> 00:08:14,245 -MARTY, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME 301 00:08:11,875 --> 00:08:14,245 IN YEARS THAT I'VE BEEN ABLE 302 00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:17,131 TO SUSTAIN A BONER FOR 303 00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:17,131 MORE THAN 30 SECONDS. 304 00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:22,131 [TECHNO MUSIC] 305 00:08:32,583 --> 00:08:35,963 -SUCK IT IN AND LET YOUR LEGS 306 00:08:32,583 --> 00:08:35,963 DO THE TALKING, SAMMY. 307 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,170 WOO! 308 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,170 ALL RIGHT. 309 00:08:38,208 --> 00:08:40,328 -SO MARTY GETS DRAFTED 310 00:08:38,208 --> 00:08:40,328 BY THE VIKINGS. 311 00:08:40,375 --> 00:08:43,075 FIRST THING HE DOES, BUYS A 312 00:08:40,375 --> 00:08:43,075 BRIGHT PURPLE PORSCHE AND 313 00:08:43,125 --> 00:08:44,535 INVITES THE DEAN'S DAUGHTERS 314 00:08:43,125 --> 00:08:44,535 TO GO FOR A SPIN. 315 00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:46,003 -WHAT? 316 00:08:46,041 --> 00:08:47,501 -THE NEXT DAY, I'M WALKING 317 00:08:46,041 --> 00:08:47,501 ACROSS THE CAMPUS AND I SEE 318 00:08:47,542 --> 00:08:50,672 THE PORSCHE SITTIN' ON 319 00:08:47,542 --> 00:08:50,672 THE QUAD, ON FIRE. 320 00:08:50,709 --> 00:08:52,129 -OH HO HO HO. 321 00:08:52,166 --> 00:08:53,496 -TURNS OUT THE DEAN DIDN'T 322 00:08:52,166 --> 00:08:53,496 APPRECIATE MARTY TURNING HIS 323 00:08:53,542 --> 00:08:56,712 TEENAGE DAUGHTERS ON TO THE 324 00:08:53,542 --> 00:08:56,712 ART OF POLE DANCING. 325 00:08:56,750 --> 00:08:57,540 -THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. 326 00:08:57,583 --> 00:08:59,383 -HO-HOLY SHIT! 327 00:08:59,417 --> 00:09:01,787 NO WAY! 328 00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,294 -MR. O'TOOLE? 329 00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,294 -YEAH? 330 00:09:03,333 --> 00:09:04,753 -MY SPEECH IS COMING UP. 331 00:09:04,792 --> 00:09:07,292 I NEED SOME FUN FACTS ABOUT 332 00:09:04,792 --> 00:09:07,292 COACH AND I NEED 'EM NOW. 333 00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:09,753 -YOU GOT SOME PLACE TO 334 00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:09,753 GO THAT'S QUIET? 335 00:09:09,792 --> 00:09:12,042 -YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS. 336 00:09:12,083 --> 00:09:13,383 -ALL RIGHT. 337 00:09:29,583 --> 00:09:31,293 -HEY, COACH. 338 00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:34,043 YOU'RE, UH, MISSING YOUR 339 00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:34,043 PARTY IN THERE, MAN. 340 00:09:34,083 --> 00:09:36,753 -I'VE BEEN TO ENOUGH PARTIES. 341 00:09:36,792 --> 00:09:38,002 -HEY. 342 00:09:40,166 --> 00:09:42,166 WAS IT TRUE, ALL THOSE STORIES 343 00:09:40,166 --> 00:09:42,166 THOSE GUYS HAVE BEEN 344 00:09:42,208 --> 00:09:43,128 TELLING ABOUT YOU? 345 00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:44,416 -THEY LIKE TO EXAGGERATE. 346 00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:45,418 -OH. 347 00:09:45,458 --> 00:09:46,458 -BUT YEAH, IT'S MOSTLY 348 00:09:45,458 --> 00:09:46,458 ALL TRUE. 349 00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:48,380 -RIGHT. 350 00:09:48,417 --> 00:09:50,917 WHAT'S THE COOLEST THING 351 00:09:48,417 --> 00:09:50,917 YOU EVER DONE? 352 00:09:50,959 --> 00:09:51,879 -CHARLIE'S ANGELS. 353 00:09:51,917 --> 00:09:53,247 -YOU WERE ON "CHARLIE'S 354 00:09:51,917 --> 00:09:53,247 ANGELS?" 355 00:09:53,291 --> 00:09:54,961 -NO, I SLEPT WITH CHARLIE'S 356 00:09:53,291 --> 00:09:54,961 ANGELS. 357 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:55,960 -WHAT? 358 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:55,960 ALL OF 'EM? 359 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,750 -NOT SIMULTANEOUSLY. 360 00:09:57,792 --> 00:09:59,882 WELL, TWO WERE SIMULTANEOUS. 361 00:09:59,917 --> 00:10:02,787 THE SMART ONE WAS JUST A ONE 362 00:09:59,917 --> 00:10:02,787 NIGHT STAND IN VEGAS. 363 00:10:02,834 --> 00:10:03,794 IT WAS WILD. 364 00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:05,384 -I HAD NO IDEA YOU 365 00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:05,384 WERE THIS COOL. 366 00:10:05,417 --> 00:10:07,667 -YOU KNOW, MORAN. 367 00:10:07,709 --> 00:10:09,749 COLLEGE IS FUN. 368 00:10:09,792 --> 00:10:11,082 BUT WAIT 'TIL YOU 369 00:10:09,792 --> 00:10:11,082 GET TO THE PROS. 370 00:10:11,125 --> 00:10:12,495 -YEAH? 371 00:10:12,542 --> 00:10:14,042 -YOU LIKE BEING ABLE TO 372 00:10:12,542 --> 00:10:14,042 PICK ANY GIRL YOU 373 00:10:14,083 --> 00:10:15,173 WANT OUT OF THE PARTY? 374 00:10:15,208 --> 00:10:16,748 -YEAH. 375 00:10:16,792 --> 00:10:18,082 -IMAGINE WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING 376 00:10:16,792 --> 00:10:18,082 ABLE TO PICK ANY GIRL YOU WANT 377 00:10:18,125 --> 00:10:20,915 OUT OF A STACK OF MAGAZINES. 378 00:10:20,959 --> 00:10:22,959 I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF 379 00:10:20,959 --> 00:10:22,959 MY OPPORTUNITY. 380 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,920 I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT 381 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,920 YOU DO THE SAME. 382 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,539 -HOW'S THIS FOR OPPORTUNITY? 383 00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:31,463 I GOT A PRIVATE BAR AND A COUPLE 384 00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:31,463 OF HOT TWINS UPSTAIRS. 385 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,960 -NOW, I REMEMBER MARTY HAD THIS 386 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,960 LITTLE RED CONVERTIBLE. 387 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,000 AND GUESS WHAT HE CALLED IT? 388 00:10:36,041 --> 00:10:36,921 RED. 389 00:10:36,959 --> 00:10:40,879 [LAUGHS] 390 00:10:40,917 --> 00:10:43,827 -A CONVERTIBLE NAMED RED. 391 00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:45,455 THAT'S HILARIOUS. 392 00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:47,710 THESE ARE JUST THE FUN FACTS 393 00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:47,710 I'VE BEEN NEEDING. 394 00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:51,540 -EVERYTHING MARTY KNOWS ABOUT 395 00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:51,540 COACHING, HE LEARNED FROM ME. 396 00:10:51,583 --> 00:10:53,133 -EXAMPLE? 397 00:10:53,166 --> 00:10:55,706 -WHEN MARTY WAS PLAYING FOR ME 398 00:10:53,166 --> 00:10:55,706 HERE AT BMS, HE CAME TO ME ONE 399 00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:58,080 DAY AND HE SAID HE WANTED 400 00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:58,080 TO TURN PRO 401 00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,245 AFTER HIS JUNIOR YEAR. 402 00:11:00,291 --> 00:11:01,881 I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN. 403 00:11:01,917 --> 00:11:05,167 THE MAN'S MY BEST PLAYER 404 00:11:01,917 --> 00:11:05,167 AND CAPTAIN OF MY TEAM. 405 00:11:05,208 --> 00:11:06,328 -HOLD ON, HOLD ON, SLOW DOWN. 406 00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:07,915 I GOT TO WRITE ALL 407 00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:07,915 OF THIS DOWN. 408 00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:11,629 -ANYWAY, ONE DAY, AFTER A BIG 409 00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:11,629 GAME, I HIRED A COUPLE OF CALL 410 00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:14,667 GIRLS TO ACCIDENTALLY 411 00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:14,667 BUMP INTO HIM. 412 00:11:14,709 --> 00:11:16,959 THEY TAKE HIM UP TO A HOTEL, 413 00:11:14,709 --> 00:11:16,959 GET HIM ALL COKED UP. 414 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,420 -COKED UP? 415 00:11:18,458 --> 00:11:19,748 OH MY GOSH. 416 00:11:19,792 --> 00:11:21,922 -AND AFTERWARDS, THEY TAKE 417 00:11:19,792 --> 00:11:21,922 THEM OUT ON THEIR BOAT. 418 00:11:21,959 --> 00:11:24,669 WHICH IS ACTUALLY 419 00:11:21,959 --> 00:11:24,669 MY BOAT, RIGHT? 420 00:11:24,709 --> 00:11:26,959 AND THEY BANG HIS BRAINS 421 00:11:24,709 --> 00:11:26,959 OUT ALL NIGHT LONG. 422 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,040 -IT'S GENIUS. 423 00:11:28,083 --> 00:11:29,583 -NOW COME THE MORNING, 424 00:11:28,083 --> 00:11:29,583 THEY WAKE UP. 425 00:11:29,625 --> 00:11:32,825 WITHOUT WAKING MARTY UP, THEY 426 00:11:29,625 --> 00:11:32,825 LEAVE, CALL THE COPS, AND 427 00:11:32,875 --> 00:11:35,035 REPORT THE BOAT'S STOLEN. 428 00:11:35,083 --> 00:11:37,753 NEXT MORNING, COPS SWARMING 429 00:11:35,083 --> 00:11:37,753 ALL OVER THE PLACE. 430 00:11:37,792 --> 00:11:40,502 THEY BUST MARTY FOR 431 00:11:37,792 --> 00:11:40,502 DRUGS, FOR THEFT. 432 00:11:40,542 --> 00:11:44,172 AND OF COURSE, NO NFL TEAM'S 433 00:11:40,542 --> 00:11:44,172 GONNA TOUCH HIM NOW. 434 00:11:44,208 --> 00:11:45,418 SO GUESS WHAT? 435 00:11:45,458 --> 00:11:48,208 HE COMES CRAWLING BACK 436 00:11:45,458 --> 00:11:48,208 TO ME AND BMS. TA-DA! 437 00:11:50,792 --> 00:11:53,632 -THAT'S HILARIOUS. 438 00:11:53,667 --> 00:11:55,877 THE EXACT SAME THING 439 00:11:53,667 --> 00:11:55,877 HAPPENED TO ME. 440 00:11:55,917 --> 00:11:56,957 -GET OUT OF HERE. 441 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,710 -I'M SERIOUS. 442 00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:02,380 -LIKE I SAID, EVERYTHING MARTY 443 00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:02,380 LEARNED ABOUT COACHING, HE 444 00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:03,667 LEARNED FROM ME. 445 00:12:05,917 --> 00:12:07,877 [THAD INHALING DEEPLY] 446 00:12:07,917 --> 00:12:10,497 -COCAINE! 447 00:12:10,542 --> 00:12:11,962 I LOVE BOATS! 448 00:12:14,959 --> 00:12:15,749 WAIT. 449 00:12:15,792 --> 00:12:16,752 [CLEARS THROAT] 450 00:12:16,792 --> 00:12:17,792 [GUN BEING COCKED] 451 00:12:17,834 --> 00:12:19,004 -ARE THERE ANY DRUGS 452 00:12:17,834 --> 00:12:19,004 ON THIS BOAT? 453 00:12:19,041 --> 00:12:19,881 -NO. 454 00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:25,498 YOU'RE NOT SAYING THAT 455 00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:25,498 COACH SET ME UP? 456 00:12:25,542 --> 00:12:28,672 -NO, NO, NO. 457 00:12:28,709 --> 00:12:30,749 A LITTLE. 458 00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:33,502 I MEAN, COME ON, LET'S NOT 459 00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:33,502 KID OURSELVES, YOU KNOW. 460 00:12:33,542 --> 00:12:36,542 I MEAN, WHATEVER MARTY 461 00:12:33,542 --> 00:12:36,542 WANTS, MARTY GETS. 462 00:12:36,583 --> 00:12:40,253 I MEAN, LOOK WHAT HAPPENED AFTER 463 00:12:36,583 --> 00:12:40,253 HIS NFL CAREER WAS OVER. 464 00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:46,251 HE COMES HERE, STEALS MY JOB 465 00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:46,251 FROM RIGHT UNDER MY ASS. 466 00:12:46,291 --> 00:12:51,581 I GUESS HE, UH, KIND OF GOT EVEN 467 00:12:46,291 --> 00:12:51,581 FOR THAT BOAT THING, HUH? 468 00:12:51,625 --> 00:12:53,415 -YOU KNOW, IT LOOKS LIKE 469 00:12:51,625 --> 00:12:53,415 YOU WERE THE REAL 470 00:12:53,458 --> 00:12:54,668 VICTIM HERE, THAD. 471 00:12:54,709 --> 00:12:56,999 AND I'M GONNA TALK TO THE 472 00:12:54,709 --> 00:12:56,999 ATHLETIC BOARD AND 473 00:12:57,041 --> 00:12:58,291 SEE WHAT I CAN DO. 474 00:13:01,208 --> 00:13:03,708 -HOLY SHIT. 475 00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:06,670 -YOU EVER BEEN IN 476 00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:06,670 THE WHITE HOUSE? 477 00:13:06,709 --> 00:13:08,039 -A COUPLE OF TIMES. 478 00:13:08,083 --> 00:13:10,333 -YOU EVER HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE 479 00:13:08,083 --> 00:13:10,333 IN THE WHITE HOUSE? 480 00:13:10,375 --> 00:13:12,325 -SECRET SERVICE ASKED ME 481 00:13:10,375 --> 00:13:12,325 NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT. 482 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,455 -[TWIN 483 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,455 COOL. 484 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,455 -THAT'S A YES! 485 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,880 -[TWIN 486 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,880 WOW. 487 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,880 -HOLY SHIT. 488 00:13:15,917 --> 00:13:16,787 MORE STORIES. 489 00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:18,084 RIGHT NOW. 490 00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:18,084 GO. 491 00:13:18,125 --> 00:13:19,915 -YOU WANT TO HEAR SOME 492 00:13:18,125 --> 00:13:19,915 REAL STORIES? 493 00:13:19,959 --> 00:13:22,329 MY BUDDIES DOWNSTAIRS. 494 00:13:22,375 --> 00:13:24,575 I FLEW THEM IN SO THAT I COULD 495 00:13:22,375 --> 00:13:24,575 SHOW THEM UP DURING MY 496 00:13:24,625 --> 00:13:26,785 ACCEPTANCE SPEECH 497 00:13:24,625 --> 00:13:26,785 TOMORROW NIGHT. 498 00:13:26,834 --> 00:13:28,174 -HM. 499 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:29,748 -IT'S NIGHTS LIKE THIS THAT 500 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:29,748 MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT THE 501 00:13:29,792 --> 00:13:31,792 PERSON THAT YOU REALLY 502 00:13:29,792 --> 00:13:31,792 ARE, MORAN. 503 00:13:31,834 --> 00:13:33,084 -HM. 504 00:13:33,125 --> 00:13:35,665 -I'VE HAD A FUN LIFE, 505 00:13:33,125 --> 00:13:35,665 BUT I HAVEN'T ALWAYS 506 00:13:35,709 --> 00:13:37,289 DONE THE RIGHT THING. 507 00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:40,133 AND FOR EVERY GREAT NIGHT THAT 508 00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:40,133 I'VE HAD, I'VE HAD JUST AS 509 00:13:40,166 --> 00:13:42,786 MANY THAT I WISH I 510 00:13:40,166 --> 00:13:42,786 COULD TAKE BACK. 511 00:13:42,834 --> 00:13:44,754 -AW. 512 00:13:44,792 --> 00:13:46,002 DON'T BE SAD. 513 00:13:46,041 --> 00:13:49,171 -POOR BABY. 514 00:13:49,208 --> 00:13:50,998 -THANKS, GIRLS. 515 00:13:51,041 --> 00:13:53,171 -IS THAT REAL REGRET, OR ARE YOU 516 00:13:51,041 --> 00:13:53,171 JUST LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY? 517 00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:54,248 -A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH. 518 00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:57,131 -GOD, THAT IS WHY YOU 519 00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:57,131 ARE MY NEW HERO. 520 00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:01,747 [RECORDED MALE VOICE] 521 00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:01,747 LA-LA-LA-LADIES AND GENTS. 522 00:14:01,792 --> 00:14:03,632 NOW FOR TONIGHT'S 523 00:14:01,792 --> 00:14:03,632 M-M-MAIN EVENT. 524 00:14:03,667 --> 00:14:07,327 A VIDEO TRIBUTE TO COACH 525 00:14:03,667 --> 00:14:07,327 MAR-MAR-MARTY DANIELS, BY TEAM 526 00:14:07,375 --> 00:14:10,995 CAPTAIN TH-TH-TH-THAD CASTLE. 527 00:14:11,041 --> 00:14:13,961 THAD NARRATING: ITALY, 1910. 528 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,580 COACH DANIELS IS BORN 529 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,580 TO A POOR ITALIAN 530 00:14:16,625 --> 00:14:17,825 FAMILY OF BUTTER CHURNERS. 531 00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:18,825 [THAD SCREAMING IN 532 00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:18,825 A WOMAN'S VOICE] 533 00:14:18,875 --> 00:14:20,745 -MAMA MIA! 534 00:14:20,792 --> 00:14:24,082 [THAD SCREAMS AGAIN] 535 00:14:24,125 --> 00:14:28,495 -[ITALIAN ACCENT] 536 00:14:24,125 --> 00:14:28,495 I WILL-A NAME 537 00:14:24,125 --> 00:14:28,495 HIM-A COACH-A DANIELS. 538 00:14:28,542 --> 00:14:29,832 [THAD MOANS] 539 00:14:29,875 --> 00:14:34,075 OH, YES-A, MAMA MIA. 540 00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:36,705 THAD NARRATING: AS COACH DANIELS 541 00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:36,705 GREW OLDER, HIS MOTHER 542 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,750 SAW GREATNESS IN HIM. 543 00:14:41,834 --> 00:14:43,544 -MAMA, MAMA. 544 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,463 WHY-A CAN'T I-A CHURN-A 545 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,463 BUTTER TOO? 546 00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:48,460 I'M A STRONG-A BOY-A. 547 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,580 -AH, 548 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,580 YOU ARE A STRONG-A 549 00:14:50,625 --> 00:14:53,075 BOY-A COACH-A DANIELS. 550 00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:56,705 BUT-A BUTTER CHURNING IS-A 551 00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:56,705 NO LIFE FOR A BOY 552 00:14:56,750 --> 00:14:59,420 WITH-A YOUR-A POWERS. 553 00:14:59,458 --> 00:15:03,288 YOU MUST-A LEAVE HERE AND GO 554 00:14:59,458 --> 00:15:03,288 COACH-A THE FOOTBALL AT-A THE 555 00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:06,503 BLUE-A MOUNTAIN-A STATE-A. 556 00:15:06,542 --> 00:15:10,712 I WANT A BETTER-A LIFE-A. 557 00:15:10,750 --> 00:15:12,580 -IS ANY OF THIS CLOSE 558 00:15:10,750 --> 00:15:12,580 TO BEING TRUE? 559 00:15:12,625 --> 00:15:13,575 i WANT A BETTER-A LIFE-A. 560 00:15:13,625 --> 00:15:15,705 -I WAS BORN IN NEW JERSEY. 561 00:15:15,750 --> 00:15:18,540 AND MY MOTHER WAS A SECRETARY. 562 00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:20,333 -[IMITATING COACH DANIELS] 563 00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:20,333 AS NEW HEAD COACH OF BMS 564 00:15:20,375 --> 00:15:24,125 FOOTBALL, I NEED TO DRAFT THE 565 00:15:20,375 --> 00:15:24,125 BEST PLAYERS IN THE WORLD. 566 00:15:24,166 --> 00:15:28,916 THAT'S WHY TODAY, I, COACH 567 00:15:24,166 --> 00:15:28,916 DANIELS, DRAFT CAPTAIN 568 00:15:28,959 --> 00:15:31,579 LINEBACKER, THAD CASTLE. 569 00:15:31,625 --> 00:15:33,575 -THAT'S A GOOD DRAFT, COACH. 570 00:15:33,625 --> 00:15:35,455 -OH, THANK YOU, COACH, 571 00:15:33,625 --> 00:15:35,455 THANK YOU. 572 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,080 I PROMISE I'LL PLAY 573 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,080 GOOD FOR YOU. 574 00:15:37,125 --> 00:15:39,745 I'LL GIVE IT MY ALL EVERY DAY. 575 00:15:39,792 --> 00:15:44,082 -YOU'RE NOT ONLY MY BEST 576 00:15:39,792 --> 00:15:44,082 PLAYER, THAD. 577 00:15:44,125 --> 00:15:45,535 YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND, TOO. 578 00:15:45,583 --> 00:15:48,463 [LAUGHTER] 579 00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:49,460 -TURN IT OFF! 580 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:52,420 NO! 581 00:15:52,458 --> 00:15:54,078 IT'S ALL LIES! 582 00:15:54,125 --> 00:15:56,665 COACH IS A LIAR AND 583 00:15:54,125 --> 00:15:56,665 A BAD PERSON. 584 00:15:56,709 --> 00:15:59,289 YOU SET ME UP WITH HOOKERS 585 00:15:56,709 --> 00:15:59,289 AND DRUGS SO I'D PLAY 586 00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,793 HERE ANOTHER YEAR. 587 00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:03,504 I COULD BE PLAYING IN THE NFL 588 00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:03,504 RIGHT NOW, BANGING HOTTER 589 00:16:03,542 --> 00:16:06,252 SLOOTS AND MAKING A 590 00:16:03,542 --> 00:16:06,252 BILLION DOLLARS. 591 00:16:06,291 --> 00:16:09,501 WELL, GUESS WHAT? 592 00:16:09,542 --> 00:16:11,002 I QUIT. 593 00:16:11,041 --> 00:16:12,381 [GASPS] 594 00:16:12,417 --> 00:16:14,877 -I'LL NEVER PLAY FOR YOU AND 595 00:16:12,417 --> 00:16:14,877 YOUR LYING FACE AGAIN. 596 00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:27,076 [POLKA MUSIC] 597 00:16:27,125 --> 00:16:28,705 -POLKA! 598 00:16:28,750 --> 00:16:30,250 EH? 599 00:16:30,291 --> 00:16:31,131 COME ON. 600 00:16:33,542 --> 00:16:38,832 -[SINGING] 601 00:16:33,542 --> 00:16:38,832 COACH, COACH, COACH, 602 00:16:33,542 --> 00:16:38,832 COACH, COACH, COACH, 603 00:16:38,875 --> 00:16:39,665 COACH, COACH-- 604 00:16:39,709 --> 00:16:41,129 -COACH! 605 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:44,826 -[SINGING] 606 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:44,826 COACH, COACH, 607 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:44,826 COACH, COACH, COACH-- 608 00:16:56,709 --> 00:16:59,499 -HEY, BRO BEANS. 609 00:16:59,542 --> 00:17:02,422 WHAT'S GOING ON? 610 00:17:02,458 --> 00:17:06,288 -I'M MOVING 1,000 MILES 611 00:17:02,458 --> 00:17:06,288 AWAY FROM HERE. 612 00:17:06,333 --> 00:17:09,463 DO THEY HAVE FOOTBALL 613 00:17:06,333 --> 00:17:09,463 IN CHINA? 614 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,580 -DON'T THINK SO, NO. 615 00:17:11,625 --> 00:17:12,535 [DOOR OPENS] 616 00:17:12,583 --> 00:17:13,833 -HEY, THAD. 617 00:17:19,375 --> 00:17:22,375 LOOK, BEFORE YOU MAKE ANY RASH 618 00:17:19,375 --> 00:17:22,375 DECISIONS, LET ME TELL YOU 619 00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,327 ABOUT MICKEY O'TOOLE. 620 00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:26,995 THAT SON OF A BITCH 621 00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:26,995 IS OUT TO GET ME. 622 00:17:27,041 --> 00:17:31,081 HE THINKS I STOLE HIS JOB 623 00:17:27,041 --> 00:17:31,081 AND THIS IS HIS REVENGE. 624 00:17:31,125 --> 00:17:36,495 AND HE KNOWS NOTHING WOULD HURT 625 00:17:31,125 --> 00:17:36,495 ME MORE THAN TO LOSE YOU. 626 00:17:36,542 --> 00:17:38,292 LOOK, AT LEAST GIVE ME 627 00:17:36,542 --> 00:17:38,292 A CHANCE TO CLEAR 628 00:17:38,333 --> 00:17:39,883 THIS WHOLE THING UP. 629 00:17:39,917 --> 00:17:43,207 LET'S GO FIND MICKEY. 630 00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:46,000 -YEAH. 631 00:17:46,041 --> 00:17:48,381 -JON JON, HAVE YOU 632 00:17:46,041 --> 00:17:48,381 SEEN MICKEY? 633 00:17:48,417 --> 00:17:50,327 -HE WENT UPSTAIRS WITH DEBRA. 634 00:17:50,375 --> 00:17:53,415 HE WAS MUTTERING SOMETHING ABOUT 635 00:17:50,375 --> 00:17:53,415 GETTING REVENGE ON YOU. 636 00:17:53,458 --> 00:17:55,998 -SON OF A BITCH! 637 00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:59,381 -YOU KNOW, I KIND OF KNEW THAT 638 00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:59,381 YOU'D COME AROUND SOONER OR 639 00:17:59,417 --> 00:18:00,917 LATER, BABY. 640 00:18:00,959 --> 00:18:03,789 -MARTY'S NOT ENOUGH 641 00:18:00,959 --> 00:18:03,789 OF A MAN FOR ME. 642 00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:05,464 -GET YOUR GODDAMN HANDS 643 00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:05,464 OFF MY WIFE. 644 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:07,830 -OH MY GOSH! 645 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:07,830 MARTY, THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE. 646 00:18:07,875 --> 00:18:09,535 -MARTY, CALM DOWN, ALL RIGHT. 647 00:18:09,583 --> 00:18:10,713 TAKE IT EASY. 648 00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:12,830 RIGHT HAND, SHE CAME ON TO ME. 649 00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:12,830 ALL RIGHT? 650 00:18:12,875 --> 00:18:14,245 -REALLY? 651 00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:16,171 WHY WOULD A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN LIKE 652 00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:16,171 DEBRA COME ON TO TO AN 653 00:18:16,208 --> 00:18:18,248 OLD, WRINKLY PRICK 654 00:18:16,208 --> 00:18:18,248 LIKE YOU, HUH? 655 00:18:18,291 --> 00:18:20,251 -HEY, YOU DON'T LISTEN 656 00:18:18,291 --> 00:18:20,251 TO HIM, THAD. 657 00:18:20,291 --> 00:18:22,421 HE SET ME UP, JUST LIKE 658 00:18:20,291 --> 00:18:22,421 HE DID TO YOU. 659 00:18:22,458 --> 00:18:23,248 [DOOR BREAKING] 660 00:18:23,291 --> 00:18:24,081 -WHOA, WHOA! 661 00:18:24,125 --> 00:18:25,705 [SCREAMING] 662 00:18:25,750 --> 00:18:28,420 -MR. O'TOOLE, PUT YOUR HANDS 663 00:18:25,750 --> 00:18:28,420 ABOVE YOUR HEAD. 664 00:18:28,458 --> 00:18:29,578 -HE'S GOT A GUN! 665 00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:31,075 -FREEZE 666 00:18:31,125 --> 00:18:32,495 -[MORAN] 667 00:18:31,125 --> 00:18:32,495 OH! 668 00:18:31,125 --> 00:18:32,495 OH. 669 00:18:32,542 --> 00:18:35,832 JESUS, HE'S-- YOU'RE GONNA 670 00:18:32,542 --> 00:18:35,832 GIVE HIM A HEART ATTACK. 671 00:18:35,875 --> 00:18:40,575 -THAD, WHEN MICKEY SET 672 00:18:35,875 --> 00:18:40,575 ME UP, I WAS FURIOUS. 673 00:18:40,625 --> 00:18:43,125 BUT I WENT ON TO HAVE 674 00:18:40,625 --> 00:18:43,125 A GREAT SENIOR YEAR. 675 00:18:43,166 --> 00:18:46,456 AND I MADE MORE MONEY 676 00:18:43,166 --> 00:18:46,456 BECAUSE OF IT. 677 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,460 EVEN IF I DID SET YOU UP-- 678 00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,630 WHICH I'M NOT SAYING I DID-- 679 00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:53,127 I DID IT TO STOP YOU FROM MAKING 680 00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:53,127 THE BIGGEST MISTAKE 681 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:56,036 YOUR LIFE BY GOING PRO EARLY. 682 00:18:56,083 --> 00:18:59,333 [POLICE OFFICER] 683 00:18:56,083 --> 00:18:59,333 TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 684 00:18:59,375 --> 00:19:02,455 WE GOT WEED AND AN UNLICENSED 685 00:18:59,375 --> 00:19:02,455 FIREARM. 686 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,830 -WHAT, ARE YOU GUYS 687 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,830 YOU MORONS? 688 00:19:04,875 --> 00:19:07,245 CAN'T YOU FIGURE OUT SHE PLANTED 689 00:19:04,875 --> 00:19:07,245 THIS SHIT ON ME? 690 00:19:07,291 --> 00:19:08,211 [MICKEY GROANS] 691 00:19:08,250 --> 00:19:09,580 -YOU KNOW WHAT, MICKEY? 692 00:19:08,250 --> 00:19:09,580 -WHAT? 693 00:19:09,625 --> 00:19:11,375 -YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT FOR 18. 694 00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:13,457 MICKEY: 695 00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:13,457 OH, VERY NICE. 696 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:14,750 VERY NICE, MARTY. 697 00:19:14,792 --> 00:19:15,632 YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS. 698 00:19:15,667 --> 00:19:16,957 WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT? 699 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,670 -WOW. 700 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,670 I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT 701 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,670 JUST HAPPENED, BUT 702 00:19:19,709 --> 00:19:20,959 I'M SURE IT WAS AMAZING. 703 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,920 -GOD, I WOULD BE HONORED 704 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,920 TO BE SCREWED OVER 705 00:19:22,959 --> 00:19:24,419 BY A MAN LIKE THAT. 706 00:19:24,458 --> 00:19:26,458 -TOTALLY. 707 00:19:26,917 --> 00:19:28,207 -HERE YOU GO. 708 00:19:31,375 --> 00:19:32,875 -COACH, BEFORE YOU GO. 709 00:19:32,917 --> 00:19:35,827 THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE 710 00:19:32,917 --> 00:19:35,827 BEEN THINKING ABOUT. 711 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:38,455 I TRUST THAT EVERYTHING YOU DO 712 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:38,455 IS WHAT'S BEST FOR THE TEAM. 713 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:41,130 AND EVEN IF YOU DID DO THOSE 714 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:41,130 HORRIBLE THINGS, IT'S ONLY 715 00:19:41,166 --> 00:19:43,876 BECAUSE YOU KNOW I'M IMPORTANT 716 00:19:41,166 --> 00:19:43,876 TO YOU AND ONE OF THE BEST 717 00:19:43,917 --> 00:19:45,377 FOOTBALL PLAYERS ALIVE. 718 00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:46,827 BUT... 719 00:19:50,792 --> 00:19:53,672 I HAVE TO KNOW THE TRUTH. 720 00:19:53,709 --> 00:19:56,829 -OK, THAD. 721 00:19:56,875 --> 00:19:59,325 THIS ONE TIME. 722 00:19:59,375 --> 00:20:01,375 THIS ONE TIME, I'M GONNA 723 00:19:59,375 --> 00:20:01,375 LET YOU ASK ME. 724 00:20:04,750 --> 00:20:07,750 -IS IT TRUE? 725 00:20:07,792 --> 00:20:11,172 DID YOU SET ME UP? 726 00:20:11,208 --> 00:20:12,418 -NO. 727 00:20:21,333 --> 00:20:24,213 -I GUESS WE BOTH NEED A DRINK. 728 00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:25,210 -YEAH. 729 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,041 ♪♪